There is a Time to Pull the Plug

So today, after around 5 months I really can't take it anymore. The bf and I have been going out for about 5 months and I love everything about him, how he has a good heart and everything and he's a gentleman, but recently he's been getting mad at me ALL THE TIME. I feel like I can;t breathe anymore... There is a certain limit of which I can take these arguments and fights. Before it used to be me always getting mad and now I can say I'm getting a taste of my own medicine.. This is absolutely insane. Coming from a really heart broken relationship, it's never been easy for me to maintain a long term relationship in the past 2 years, so when something real and genuine comes along I would want to keep it and hope it's actually the real thing. Sometimes I feel like he's been getting too comfortable. When our relationship first started, my boyfriend told me that I'm like the blonde bitchy girl in high school that he was intimidated by, but when he got to knew me he realized that I was actually not "so" similar to what he imagined me to be, but on my end I had only wished that my boyfriend was more confident, there is nothing more charming than a man with confidence. So for the past 5 months i've been trying to mould my boyfriend into a more confident man, telling him to make decisions and choices for me, and of course saying no to me when he feels that it's not right, but recently its just been going out of control, I really can't handle it anymore. In fact I feel like my boyfriend has been a little too confident. It just feels like that ever since I've fully shown and declared my love for him that he doesn't care anymore, he feels like he has me where he wants it. It just feels like one day he just woke up and decided to say FUCK YOU or FUCK OFF to me. And it really hurts. I don;t know if it's because he started working so it's been stressful working almost every day or maybe it's the money because before he wasn't getting as many hours? I don't know, but it's really bothering me.

So today is a beautiful day and I really wanted to spend some time with him doing whatever it was, I just didn't wanna stay home. So I got off work, he picked me up to go eat, but I wasn't hungry yet, but like how he keeps me company when he's not hungry I would do the same for him, but he seemed really moody. Then he bitched at me. He said "I already told you that I don't wanna eat! We'll go get my haircut! Do you have to keep track of my sleeping schedule too?" And I was shocked and really fucking pissed off. So when we got to the barbers, I got off the car but didn't wanna hold his hand when he reached out his hand, because it's NOT OK to fucking bitch at me and then act like nothing happened. Then he said "I'm not going for a hair cut anymore" And i just got back into the car and he was gonna take me home. On the wasy home I said I dont understand why you're so moody today, and he tells me that I gave him attitude the moment I stepped into his car WHEN ALL I SAID WAS IT'S SO HOT AND ASKED WHY THE WINDOWS ARE LOCKED! So I denied that I gave him attitude. Then the argument continued and he told me "I already told you that I don't wanna go eat, why can;t you just leave me alone! I am old enough to decide when to eat" and then I told him that I just simply told you to go eat first because I don't want you to get stomach pains (which he has already been to the doctors for) And thenI was in front of my house and I said I dont fucking understand why you're acting like this. I wasn't even giving you attitude and you're the one that's giving me attitude, it has always been like this! You tell me I'm not allowed to eat fast food so I had a salad for lunch, since when the fuck do I not listen to you, but suddenly you just snapped at me, was it seriously necessary to fucking bitch at me like that. And he had nothing to say.

When I got inside my house he said "well i'm sorry if i snapped at you but you really should hear yourself when you tell me to eat and when you telling to get my haircut....youre not telling me youre demanding that I should. I just got irritated but you have all the right to get mad at me but don't tell me what to do in a demanding way althought you think you weren't. I even dropped it when I got out of the car and forget about it but you just carried the grudge about it"
So I wrote back and basically ranted whatever I blogged here and said maybe we've been spending too much time together and that maybe he should take a few days off just to relax or sleep or get organizaed or whatever and maybe I do too, ttyl.

I still feel so wronged, at the same time so scared that my relationship will fall apart. We talk about our future together, getting married, having kids, doing house chores, but when he acts like this I feel and wonder if there really is a future together. If it hasn't even been 5 months yet and I already feel like he's too comfortable with me, then what will happen in the future? If he's really like this then how can I give myself to someone that would just snap at me like that. I am so so scared because Byron was like this too, then within 3 days everything literally fell apart and I was shattered on my bed room floor. I am so fucking fucking scared that it's just gonna happen again, when will this stupid jynx leave me the fuck alone??? I really hope I survive this time.