HELLLLO
So today my blog officially looks acceptable! I am semi excited to begin my own personal blog, as I've noticed its increase in populartity. I have tonnes to be shared everyday whether it's cosmetics, love life, foods, and places! Hope you all enjoy!
They come they go, and they drop like flies
Lately I have purchased a few self-help books. I have a shopping problem, I tend to buy all the suggested readings but never get around to finishing them, better yet, starting them. Most of these books are focused on reationship issues. Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking; for the past year I have been going in and out of relationships, non stop. Since May of 2009, I have already been dealing with/in six relationships. At some point, I have doubted myself and wondered if it was my problem. After some intensive thinking and self evaluation, trust me, it's not me...it's them. So I have always thought this process was normal; search and perfection, but recently, I am getting sick and tired of this process. I already know what I want in a guy, just haven't found my kinght in shining Armani yet. I believe it is safe to say that I might have encountered almost every other type of male species possible.
♥ guy one - The Rebound
[duration: 6 mths]This guy was very generic; spoiled the gf like crazy, to a certain extent even I felt as if our relationship was based on materialism. Chatted everyday on the phone, made time for each other, and even met the parents (oh yes, we were "sexually active"). What attracted me, honestly, was his BMW Convertible (yes, this is the bitch in me talking). problem: He was utterly useless as a prospective husband. He had no future because he was well-off to a point that his parents didn't mind that their son had no education, no ambition, no job (I would not even go near the term career). So I left him, and onto the next one.
♥ guy two - Mr. Dreamy
[duration: 3 mths and 1 wk]Mr. Dreamy was the first non-asian guy that I have dated, or even gotten close to. He had always caught my eye since the first day I saw him in one of my classes. The way he approached me led my interest in him; in computer lab, walks up, searches himself on Facebook, adds me. A year later, we dealt for 3 months and dated for a week, he is possibly the best looking male I have ever met; deeeep turquoise dreamy eyes that you would drown into, very tall but average sized figure, nice skin, great style (just a weird fetish for Nike SB's). problem: He worked at a grocery store, did not drive, worst of all... HE DIDN'T TALK! Although there were numerous flaws, the normal me would not and could not possibly tolerate, I was still genuinely happy with this guy. With him, it was all the small things that mattered, simply because he worked hard for each and every penny that he chose to spend on me. I would feel like the happiest girl in the world when he simply took me out to dinner and a movie. I cannot possibly explain my then exuberance when he took me to watch Alice in Wonderland 3D, I let the whole world know, "Watching Alice in Wonderland with the boyfriend"...his status? "Watching Alice in Wonderland with the bitch". I should have taken this into offense, but I understood him and his humour on a certain level, which was why I think we were semi-compatible. After a few days, I suggested the break-up. This was one of those things that I regretted later on; TIP: never ever ever attempt to compare your relationship with others. I was told by a gf that HER bf would ask her to sleep over, spend time with her after work, or talk on the phone till they fell asleep...I thought, mines only wanted to watch Lost and play COD after work =S, so I took a risk and suggested the breakup, hoping he would "insist" that we stayed together, but I was wrong...we got into a heated argument over TEXT MESSAGE, and he said "foget it". My heart was seriously shattered, I can honestly say it skipped a beat in the worst ways. I know to my friends it didn't seem as if I liked this guy that much...but I actually did. Till this day, I regret suggesting the break, and most of all, hate my lack of patience in relationships.
♥ guy three - The Cougar Child
[duration: 1 mth]I never went out with this guy, simply because he was two years younger than me; or as he would like to say "it's only 1 year and a few months, which doesn't really make a difference". This guy was kind of weird, he had somewhat of a big ego, he tried to sweet talk me while acting like a player...What he didn't know was, I could read him like a book. I asked him bluntly; "Do you like me?" Obvs, he said "No", then he continued with describing to me what kind of girl he likes, which ironically sounded a lot like me. problem: I was not necessarily physically attracted to him, did not drive a nice car, and he was "two years" younger than me; not saying there is anything wrong with dating younger guys, but it's a personal issue. Till this day, he continuously tries to flirt with me, I somewhat play along with stroking his ego, but I realize the more I play along, the more he feels like he is capable of playing me, OH WAIT, that was what I wanted him to think haha, but realistically, I will never, ever indulge.
♥ guy four - The Confrontator
[duration: 1 mth]I dated this guy for around 4 days, but we talked for a month. I thought this guy was it, I was attracted to him physically, he drove (although a Corolla), he brought me out to his friends, was clingy, but I enjoyed it, was courteous (sometimes), we had similar interests; but unfortunately not similar enough. problem: This guy gave me the biggest confrontation OF MY LIFE. Apparently he was upset with the fact that I am "lazy", always wanted to sleep/lay around his room; did not cook, I strictly remember what he said "I mean, I've had some girls that loved to cook, some that don't...but while I was cooking for them they would CLEAN MY ROOM", I was in utter shock; I didn't care enough...I accidentally blurted "These things you normally hear from a girl... It's kinda weird hearing it from a guy". After hours of bickering back and forth through text messaging the next day, we finaly broke up. The day after the breakup, he texts me in the afternoon hoping we would give our relationship another chance. At the very end, when things didn't go his way, he lashed out on me and told me to "Wake up and smell the fresh air. You sit around expecting your parents to spoonfeed you. I'm trying to set you for reality but you keep thinking I'm the bad guy here. Wake the fuck up!!!". So I refused to entertain his non sense drama, sent my last message and ended it. Later on the next night, he sent me a message with an apology saying I deserve better. One month after, he called me to go hangout, but I said I had work.
♥ guy five - The Hunch Back of Notre Dame
[duration: 1.5 mths]I was never physically attracted to this guy, but you know those guys that are so damn sincere that you simply cannot say no to? He was one of those. We dealt for about a month; on the phone everyday, confided in him to a certain extent, and studied together. At first, I found this guy REALLY annoying... To a point where I ignored his calls, but he was persistent alright, so he won the girls heart. Unfortunately, my feelings towards him were strictly superficial. problem: He was most definitely not physically attractive, personality was somewhat wreckless, bad skin, bad teeth, his semi-chinese accent (that nobody else noticed for some odd reason) and poor grammar bothered me, and he did not have power windows!!! Which made me feel intensively awkward because I had made a comment prior to sitting in his car regarding power windows; I said, I don't understand why people would not ungrade power windows in their car, it's such an inconvenience, and crappy thing not to do, totally devaluates the car. Last problem, the night that we broke up he had brought me out to his friends birthday at a Karaoke, he had a few drinks (not drunk though!) and started to slowly strip and bump & grind in the room! He began to act like a fool, I have never felt so utterly embarrassed in my life. He asked me if it was the sex and how it might have bothered me, little did he now, I really didn't care about the sex. After the breakup I had realized that I lost $50 at Karaoke (probably stolen by someone in the room). Recently I found this on his facebook:
I felt as if he was talking to me through this post, trying so hard to tell me he has already moved on. A few weeks later, he calls to ask if I want to go shopping with him. I don't understand guys... Is it just me or did we not just BREAK UP?!?! weird.
♥ guy six - So tonight, I'm gona find a way to make it without you
[duration: less than 1 mth]I met this guy the night of that the ex and I had broken up. May be it's karma, because this one hurt...A LOT. I had lost completely to this guy, in my game at my home field. I felt soo bothered by this...I have never been so utterly desperate for a guy. Basically, when he wanted me, I didn't want him...When I wanted him, he didn't want me. I tried to make so much of an effort to make him want me back, but it only lasted for a day. problem: I disliked the fact that he was not manly enough, sometimes he had a weird personality, he was way too sexually attracted to me (he was touchy on the first date!), and was an alchy to a certain extent; but all of the above was TOLERABLE, simply because he had a white collar job at a real estate office, dressed nice, and he drove. The story ended with me calling him, and him treating me like shit. After a day of completely restraining myself from interacting with him, he calls me one night to go drinking and I said "I don't want to talk to you". I refuse to let anyone treat me like shit, especially when I have options. Till now, I still wonder what would have happened, if we could have lasted... but whatever, life goes on.
SO...
Recently, my friend bumped into "Mr. Hunch Back of Notre Dame" at the gym. She told me that he did not want to say Hi to her. With this, I put much thought... I feel that it's time to stop moving from one to another, this is not a race. Then I recalled how shitty it felt to get over someone or get your heart torn apart by someone. My master plan? It's time to stop and simply wait for Mr. Right, clear the name of heartbreaker, and read more self-help books! =)
So when you can't sleep at night
You don't feel right
Your heart just hurts
Your stomach's tight,
That's what it feels like, ya
That's what it feels like
When you start feeling weak
You're breaking down
Your whole world gets turned upside down,
That's what it feels like
It feels like to lose your girl
- Jenna, That's What It Feels Like
