Dear You

It's been a while since I've updated this thing. Recently, I have felt very overwhelmed... I feel so extremely upset about everything, every little damnned thing. I feel like my family is falling apart, drifting so so far apart from one another. I imagine how my family would be like in 1 year. I am now so afraid of time, and so afraid of growing up. When I was a kid, my family was not perfect; father half way across the world, mom wanted to suicide, and mom wanting to divorce my dad... But as easy as it is to SAY, everything is okay, everything is not okay. I don't want to come home anymore, staying at home makes me sad... When my mom always seems so emotionally tired, my brothers negligence, and my dad's lack of love. When I was younger, my mom always told me how great my dad is and what a sacrifice he is making and how hard he is working, now, I only hear about how my dad doesn't love my mom anymore, and how depressed she is.
1 Year later, my brother will be out of the house... with only my mom and I living in this home, everything will be so much more lonely cold and depressing... This Christmas I was able to spend christmas night very happy, but who knows how next christmas will be like? When will my dad come home? and is it even a good idea?
I always looked at my family as perfect, my mom loves us dad loves us, we ave everything and are a lot more fortunate than a lot of people, but now that I'm older... I am starting to speculate that I might be wrong.

Now that I'm older, I can only say that money ruins families, which is why I work so hard to make critical decisions that would impact my own life in the future... hoping that I won't need to worry about money so it won't ruin my own family like how it ruined the one I belong to.

I long for the day my father comes home, but then again, is that the right wish? Dearest you, tell me how I am supposed to feel.
Growing up, I always felt like everyone elses' families were not as perfect as mine, parents divorced, father a gambler, mom in jail... but now, everyone's seems more perfect than mine... their imperfections were only short term... Mine is long term.