Guess Who's Back

Still going in circles circles
round and round
and while he's doing you so wrong
you just keep holding him down
feel so stupid, foolish
loving you this way
But what can I say
I wanna go but I keep coming back

______________________

I'M BACK : )

So it's been such a long time since I've posted to my blog. Although, it continues to be rather quiet in here, but it's all gravy! For the past two months a lot has happened in my life, so much that I won't know where to start. As much of a load of rants it could be, I'm going to skip straight to the point. Why I left this blog was because I became more busy, and most of all, I refused to be emo... The more I am expressive towards my feelings, the more emotional I become because I allow my emotions to surface, so what's the reason that I return? Because I feel like I have completed some more self development/soul searching.

Recently, I was completing an ethics assignment, through this, I was asked to define "following your bliss" and came across this: "It is miraculous. I even have a superstition that has grown on me as a result of invisible hands coming all the time - namely, that if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be." and I feel like this bliss has truly inspired me. It made me feel like I am capable of doing anything as long as I believe that I can, also, opportunities are never granted, they are created by the choices you make in life; the way you chose to be. Life pathways are like a game plan, you may call it a game of Chess, it only takes one move to Check-Mate. When I think about life, it so amazing how it works and how many thousands and millions of choices we make during our life-time, each leading to a different way of life. It puts my heart on pause when I wonder about what would have happened if I didn't make the choices I made, better yet, what did happen from the bad choices I did make in the past. It takes my breath away when I shut my eye just visualizing how life comes about, how there are so many contributing factors to our life. Was everything meant to be? Superstition might tell you it's all in the "luck" and religious followers may tell you it's all in God's plan for you, but Angela will tell you (after reading and believing...), it might be BLISS.

Lately, I have realized how many people often take things for granted. It should be realized that nothing falls down from the sky... It is quite depressing how many people forget how to motivate, how to work hard and how to be thankful. Being thankful is not limited to prayers, God, the action of giving something, but to truly believe and know that you are very lucky and blessed compared to everyone else. As a hypocrite that I am, I am one of the many ungrateful people; I constantly take things for granted and act rudely out of impulse. Up until October, I haven't really taken the time to look back, reflect and be thankful. So what made me start? Well, a few new people have entered into my life, plus a few major changes; I recently started a new job and feel extremely lucky to have landed this job, I met a guy that actually appreciates me and likes me more than I like him, I am now newly categorized as "having a career"... Although, this career of mine was derived from when push comes to shove, but it's finally done and I am well on my way, lastly, material wise, the Prada bag that my dad promised to buy me for my birthday finally came through and I feel great with it. Since October, everything felt like a new beginning for me; an opened door, and it feels great.

I always have this "thing" where I feel like my dad takes care of me for the first 25 years of my life, then I take care of him for the rest. I am looking forward to this day that my dad retires. At first, the glass was half empty... I felt like I was slapped by reality when I first found out my dad was planning his retirement. I wondered what would happen to our family financially? (As my dad is the sole bread winner in the home), then I felt like I was pressured to be somewhere and do something with myself. I would have never imagined the pressure of my dad's retirement would place a positive effect on me and made me accomplish so much more, and I am truly thankful for that. I can't say that the choices I've made in the past two months are all correct or the right path, even possibly lead me to a better future, but I can only make the best of what's been done.

My short term goals in the upcoming 3 years are:
♥ To graduate from the BAG Program
♥ Find someone that truly likes me for who I am, and maintain a stable relationship
♥ Enroll in Belly Dancing classes
♥ Adjust my daily habits for a healthier body
♥ Drive my first BMW when my VW becomes due
♥ Returning my dad's monthly allowance
♥ Become successful in a career