Unforgettable

When I pull up in something new and park it by the haters
And when you get to talking 'bout the greatest
I just really hope that
You'll think of me
I'm tryna be unforgettable...

______________________

It's been a week or two since I've blogged, simply because I've been a little lazy and the fact that there hasn't really been much excitement going on in my life. Recently, I have felt like I can't seem to have what I want, yet, what I don't want seems to be heading my direction.

I went drinking last night for a friends' friends birthday. I had a lot of fun, as usual, cause I'm the ultimate party animal when I'm intoxicated! My highlight would be seeing old friends and bumping into an ex...Awkward... It's weird because I do think about this ex sometimes, and from the most normal person comes the most unexpected personality; the confrontator.
So it seems like I party a lot, and I do. I party almost every week; clubbing, karaoke. I look at it as a form of stress release, although, I can't exactly say that I have much stress to deal with, but it gives me an opportunity to let all me stress out, and start the week fresh all over again, it's kind of like putting your life on pause. From this, I have a bad habit to go home and text or call someone, and that's where my problem begins.

So I go home, you would expect me to be all happy, tired, and knocking out, but.... unfortunately not. It's partially a bad habit and the other half loneliness. I know I look giddy and joyous all the time even when I'm emo, I'm probabaly saying it or screaming it in a laughing manner. I don't think I have been single for this long, without anyone... It' starting to creep me out as well, am I losing it??? So I go home, in my bed, blasting music through my head phones, and ALLLL the emotional things float to the surface, and that's when I do something stupid; like making a call to an ex or sending a text. I envy all the people out there that have someone to go home to, this feeling must be amazing; having someone at home waiting for you, chatting on the phone with you, falling asleep with you... It's one of those things where you feel like "the night is now coming to an end, with the person I would love to end it with, which is also the person that I started it with". Perhaps I might not be an ideal wife, but I definitely long for a healthy relationship with someone and having someone I can call my own as well.

Sometimes I feel really stupid, opening my heart up to the ones that I can't have. Is it because bad boys are just more attractive? Or it might be the thrill of the chase. So last week, after this guy flopped on me THREE TIMES, I continued to plan a date with him for the fourth time. In the end...You are correct, he flopped again and it made me feel like shit. It's so shameful because I feel like I voluntarily place myself into these positions sometimes. On that same day, I had two other guys that made plans with me and I said no; one that I talk to on text and has attempted to make plans with me almost everyday that we text but I always try to make excuses, and the other goes on and off with his presence, sometimes I feel like this guy only messages me when he has problems with the girlfriend of 4 years. He tells me how their parents and friends disapprove of them because they feel that he can do better and that he should meet more girls. Anyway my point was, I am also not sure why I bothered to open my heart out to this guy that I had plans with... Maybe because he gave me hope that he would actually come through this time? I do miss him sometimes... I wonder if he's a good boyfriend... Probably not, but I also wonder what goes on in his head on the days that he flops on me. Does he not remember? Or does he actually feel somewhat guilty that he flopped on me? Or perhaps he feels that I don't care because I never text him? Whatever it is, I would never find out. Gota keep moving.