Keep Ya' Head Up

I don't want no ball & chain to hang on me.
And I don't need no ties, don't want your wedding ring.
I'm lookin for a guy who's fly and cares 'bout feelings. See I've already got a friend, I ain't lookin' for a new beginning._________________

I've had a fairly rough week, most definitely an emotional roller coaster! There were days when I was extremely happy and amazing; felt like a million bucks, yet there were days where I just couldn't understand what was happening.


My week started off at the hospital. I have a friend with a drug problem. I love her from the bottom of my heart, although, I must admit that we haven't been friends forever, but maybe because we have developed so many memories, I have already thought of her like a little sister to me, and for some odd reason, she is always seventeen in my head. I know what she is going through is extremely difficult to understand (which is what she continuously reminds me), but I do acknowledge her problems. Sometimes, I have reasons to believe that we should not have went to the psychic last summer, because now everything just seems like it's "life's fault; karma, my life sucks". Last Friday, we had decided to have some fun while staying sober, so we went to karaoke, the plans were 1. no alcohol & 2. to head home by 12 am. I thought I had all her drugs in my purse, but I was unaware that there was a second bag in her pocket. After she had spent about half an hour in the washroom, I decided to check-up on her. When I approached the washroom I saw my friend crouching in front of the sink grasping onto the faucet, within 2 minutes, she fainted on me. I was in so much shock, I left her on the floor and sought help, then brought her to the Emergency Room. My friend woke-up and admitted to me that she fucked-up. At that very moment I was so afraid, what if she didn't wake-up? Within 20 minutes, my friend needed to go to the washroom and wouldn't come out. I asked the security to break open the door and I barged in. She was sitting on the toilet seat while I found more Ketamine in her hand. At that point, I seriously wanted to give-up. I called a few friends of hers on her phone and asked them what I should do... They suggested that I should leave her alone at the hospital; let her know how it feels when no one will care about her anymore. After speaking with a nurse, I left my friend fifty bucks from her wallet, her phone, and a letter telling her how I feel. I generally asked her why she would do something like that to herself, has she lost all value for her life? She used to be a lively young girl that would make me smile, we used to steal pumpkins outside of Canadian Tire at 3 am (all you could see were two girls and one guy dressed in back rolling pumpkins in the parking lot; the fat one was actually struggling where the skinny one was actually stronger, it was kind of hilarious at the time), we used to share every last dollar 'cause we were so poor, we would go to Markham Station and have all-day breakfast at 12 am, and we really didn't care if we only had $1 left in our wallet. Now, she goes to the washroom every 10 minutes due to Urinary Contraction from the Ketamine; She can hardly stand straight, she says it's because she fell on the floor a few weeks ago, but it is known that Ketamine causes pain on the spine/lower back; and she has absolutely no meat on her body, she is now 95 pounds (or less); lastly, she can hardly eat cause her appetite has become so small. Ketamine has taken away her soul and spirit, she traded it all with her happiness for a 45 minute release of stress. They say this drug is not addictive, but unfortunately, it becomes a habit. Lastly, this drug does not multiply, as in, if you intake a bit; it will leave you high for 45 minutes, if you intake a lot; it will also only leave you high for 45 minutes. The drug is not "deadly", but I would still advise everyone to stay away from it. There is nothing in this world that cannot be fixed...If it is considered "unfixable", then it means it is out of your reach, thus, don't carry it onto your own shoulders. You have numerous friends that care about you, I know... No matter what they will never be able to fulfill that emptiness in your heart, but you know what? Keep Ya' Head Up!