This post is dedicated to my bitch/babygirrrrl Elle Ellllle.
I know times are tough but you just gotta keep ya' heaaad up
Recently I have started a new book; Why Men Love Bitches. This book was suggested to me by my friend Adrien, so I got to the bookstore the next day and picked it up. This book basically compares and contrasts the "nice girl" and the "bitch". To be honest, I would read this book with an open mind, because as I am going through the book I had realized that if ANY girl followed the suggested actions from the book, they would probably end up being single for the rest of their lives. The book is entirely about mind games. I admit, there are numerous things that I agree with the book, but generally I feel as if the book is a guide for players, and not people that are on a search for Mr. Right.
I would like to share two scenarios from the book, which I feel are very true, that I feel every girl should reference:
Scenario One: He calls you and expects you to be at home.
The Nice Girl - "If the nice girl leaves, she calls first to tell him where she'll be and what time she'll be back. Often, she'll want to assure him that her cell phone's on, should he want to get ahold of her"
The Bitch - "The bitch lets him think about where she is every now and then. She lets him wonder if she's outside his reach by not always reporting her whereabouts"
Scenario Two: He says he'll call at around a certain time after he gets in, the call is four hours late.
The Nice Girl - "Yells at him and tells him he should have called and she's worried"
The Bitch - "Isn't so easily upset, so she isn't easy to read. She may or may not pick up the phone which makes him miss her"
I feel that these two scenarios are extremely common when talking to guys. The general message for both of these scenarios are: never make yourself seem available, or in uglier terms; desperate for the guy. The book advises that men love the thrill of the chase, although I am not sure how valid that statement is in all cases, but I have actually proved this true by default. There was one situation where this guy that I was talking to called me to hangout. My bluetooth in the car was turned on as I was driving so his voice came out of my speakers like God, and my girlfriend was in the car. I picked up his call and he was very persistent that we should hangout later on in the night. I was not studying, but I kept stating that I did not want to hangout because I had an exam the next day and I'm studying. After hanging up, The guy text messaged me and said "you're probably hanging out with some other guy right now", I felt like a million bucks because it felt as if he wanted me more than I wanted him. Later on, My girlfriend who has always wondered why/how I have a few random guys attracted to me, pointed out that it might be because of the fact that I never give them what they want (without noticing), which is why they always come back; she says "this guy is like begging on the damn phone to hangout, but you just wouldn't give in... that's so weird." But maybe that is what they call the "thrill of the chase". Once I gave in to the same guy, he no longer wanted me. I feel as if the book leads to one end result: for the girl not to be clingy; which is every guys greatest fear! The bitch in the book is extremely independent, confident, mature, and wanted.
Another thing that actively dating girls should keep in mind is that there are a few type of guys out there, I can't quite summarize, but in my head there are generally two; the ones that want to get in your pants, and the ones that want to get in a relationship. As I've gotten older, I noticed that genuine guys become extremely difficult to find. This is simply because as you (the girls) progress with seeking, dating, finding the right guy, and maintaining hopeful, the guys are also actively dating and the reasons that they end up being single are either one reason or the other; the ex girl cheated on him, which left him with zero trust in girls; the ex girl was too annoying/demanding so he dumped her sorry ass, then realizes that girls are too annoying to handle because he can never seem to figure out what they want from him; or they simply wanted to be together but due to some cliche family dis-approvals OR personality mis-matches, they could not be. So due to POSSIBLY one of the above, the guy may feel that girls are too much to handle, and that they would rather have a "lover" than a "girlfriend". According to two different guy friends, guys would rather have a "lover" than a girlfriend so then the girls would not have a privilege to complain when they hangout with other friends that are girls, or not spend time with them, and lastly "not care". The other guy friend says that guys normally start off talking to a girl, looking forward to a real relationship, but when the bickering starts before the relationship itself, then the guy would switch into "I just want to get in your pants" mode, because the guy is already overwhelmed with the relationship.
I feel that in order to successfully keep the guy interested, girls should be independent and confident above all else. These two things are seemingly more important aside from looks, since that is the first attraction. The way you look is always a well expected factor, looks are probably the basic standard that every guy expects every prospective girl to have.
So lately, I have an extremely close girlfriend who was talking to a guy that is a true player. Her story is quite twisted because she already has a boyfriend, but the boyfriend is not by her side at the moment. The "fwb" (Friend With Benefits, as I'd like to call it) meets most of her boyfriend criteria in comparison to her own boyfriend, but this guy has made it clear to her through his actions that he does not long for a serious relationship. In this game, my girlfriend has already lost because they have already connected on a sexual level. At the same time she feels as if they shared something special because they would lie in bed and have long talks about both of their stressful issues. I love my girlfriend to death and I want what's best for her. She knows deep inside that this is not the guy for her and that she will never be able to change him and his player-ish ways. One day, after not talking to this guy for a few days, my girlfriend logs onto MSN and notices that his name has been changed to "______ is awsome =)". Through this, it was quite evident that some random chick has decided to log onto his msn and broadcast herself to his world. My girlfriend was very heartbroken because we all know what they have probably done since the girl has seemingly slept over. I don't exactly know how to pull my dear girlfriend out of this rut, except for trying to wake her up and back to reality. It happened, and it's seriously time to move on. Before walking herself into this, I'm sure she was subconsciously aware that they would never end up being together, but it is simply natural to carry on hope. We all understand those times when our mind plays tricks on us and the voice tells us that "we can change him", let's be real here, no one... Can ever change anyone, because people only change when "stuff happens", and not "for" anyone. I understand she is like a kid in a candy store right now; she desperately wants his affection, but since she cannot get what she wants, she will always want what she can't have. When she sees him with other girls, she probably wonders if they're together, and wonders if this anonymous chick has successfully broken into his icebox that she never had a chance to unlock, but trust me, this new girl is probably equally as disposable as you ever were. You need to wake up and accept the fact that in a few weeks? A few months? She will be riding on the exact same boat that you sank in. The only thing she might have won in comparison to you might be the two weeks more? Three weeks more? That she managed to maintain; in my eyes a sexual loss. When this is all over, you will be so glad that you did not stay on the ride for that extra week, and that you floated to the top, alive. In reality, you know that he is equally disposable in your world as you were in his. I really hope you can run yourself out of this maze, because he's seriously not worth your time, or the shit you do to make yourself "feel better" or numb from him and his bittersweet memories. It's time to wake up and get your life on track hun. Love you always and forever.
XOXO
No comments:
Post a Comment